I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
