I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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