Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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