capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
