she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize