At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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