what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
