Sober January is a disaster.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
