Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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