please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
