I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
