JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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