Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My feet surprised me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
