Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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