first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
bring money and cleavage
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
