We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am naked and annoyed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
