Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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