I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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