what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I did not marry a roomba.
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