he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize