so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
