she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
