ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
