Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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