Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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