You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
