bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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