I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize