here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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