I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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