Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
