Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
