Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
