my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
