she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize