Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
