I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He better not be in your backpack
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
