Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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