tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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