lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
