he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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