You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
