okay pat passed out under dana's car
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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