i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
