don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
