Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
