Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All the doctor said was why
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
