Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
