Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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