get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
