There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
