just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
