dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
