1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
