I just pynch a tree in the face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
