Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
