The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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