Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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