sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize