Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I touched a dick in church today
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
