I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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