You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
