I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
one two three fourrrrnication!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
