I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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