So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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