the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
