You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize