ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
