so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize